Change up...

...These are the lyrics to my favorite song. Ever. Of all time.

Pushit (live) by Tool

Saw that gap again today,
While you were begging me to stay.
Take care not to make me enter.
If I do we both may disappear.
If I do we both may disappear.

Saw that gap again today,
While you were begging me to stay,
Managed to push myself away,
You as well my dear,
And you as well.
Pushed you away my dear.
Pushed you away.
Pushed you away.
Pushed you away my dear.

I will choke until I swallow,
Choke this infant here before me.
What are you but my reflection?
Who am I to judge or strike you down?
Who am I to judge or strike you down?

But you're pushing,
And I'm shoving you,
And you're pushing me,
And I'm shoving you.

Rest your trigger on my finger.
Bang my head upon the fault line.
Better take care not to make me enter.
If I do we both may disappear.
If I do we both may disappear.

But you're pushing,
And I'm shoving you,
And I'm pushing me,
And I'm shoving you.

Still love me,
You still love me,
You still love me,
You still love me,
I'm pushing and we're shoving,
And you're pushing and I'm shoving,
And you still love me.
You still love me.
You still love me.
You still love me.
You're pushing and we're shoving,
And I'm pushing and your shoving me.

And I'm slipping back into,
The gap again.
I feel alive when you touch me.
I feel alive when you hold me,
Down.

Slipping back into,
Slipping back into.

I am somewhere I don't wanna be.
Put me somewhere I don't wanna be.
Push me somewhere I don't wanna be.
Seeing someplace I don't wanna see,
Never wanna see that place again.

Saw the gap again today,
While you were begging me to stay,
Managed to push myself away,
And you as well my dear.

If when I say I might fade like a sigh if I stay,
You minimize my movement anyway,
I must persuade you another way.

Pushing and
Shoving.
Pushing and
Shoving.
Pushing me.

There's no love in fear.

Staring down the hole again,
Hands upon my back again,
Survival is my only friend,
Terrified of what may come.

Remember I will always love you,
As I claw your fucking throat away.
It will end no other way.
It will end no other way.

~Nick

Seems a bit backwards...

...don't it? I mean, I spent my Sunday night reading history, catching up on current events, listening to music, and working out. And I'm not in school. In school, I would have spent my Sunday night doing absolutely nothing of importance or anything productive in particular, because, hell, the entire week is going to be full of that. I don't know, just seems that my priorities got switched around. And I feel pretty swell about doing things that I love doing and not having them seem like a fucking chore. So, yeah, that's pretty cool, right? Right.

Also, if anyone is paying attention, this is two posts within a week (however short they might be). It must be a goddamn miracle.

~Nick

Horrible person...

That's what I am. Not that I truly believe that many people are consistently checking this blog to see if I've posted anything. Although, my sister just created one and that reminded me that, surprise surprise, I also am a blogger! A failure of one, but a blogger nonetheless. Apologies to those who DO read this. The end of my summer has consisted of many hours of work and dropping the ball on my life plans...in general. Which, surprisingly, I'm not kicking myself too much over not signing enlistment papers yet since I am fairly content with life as it is now, with a routine and all. And I still don't have enough money saved yet to put even a decent-sized dent in my college debt. Do you see what you do to us, America? Because of you and your unreasonably high expectations of younger generations, you have doomed us to a life of semi-poverty with only a fancy piece of paper, declaring that we are good and smart enough for you, to comfort us. Bravo, society.

Anyways, today is a short post (which most of mine seem to have that distinction). Now that summer is over and I have more time on my hands because my friends have totally abandoned me and given me some sort of complex or mental disorder over it *deep breath* I will be updating this again. I will attempt to update weekly. And since I'm no longer in school but still actively ponder the goings-on of the world, and of life, I have time for essay writing. Although, this time I can be much more opinionated because, hell, I'll only be judged for it, not graded. Think about it, if judgment equaled your grade, technically, we'd all be failing. And then no one would get anywhere because we couldn't pass the kindergarten of life. No gold stars for you, humanity. You get a bronze star because YOU SUCK AT LIFE.

Enjoy your weekend.

~Nick